bad days

i once said... 'if you've never seen a bad day, you'll never see a good one'. well, i must be due for one hell of a fantabulously, glorious day because the past few have been the worst in a long, long time. and today... well, today's the fuckin' icing on the cake!

let's see, to start with there's always the proverbial 'financial difficulties', then there's the 'it's complicated' kind of relationship (unless you want to just call it a 'complication'), kids, jobs, family, friends and even the bloody weather (like OMFG... it's plus 9, the sun is shining and it's fucking snowing, how the hell is that even possible?). anyway, back to the topic at hand (don't worry, the vent will end soon enough)... the dirty dishes, the phone not working properly, blah, blah, blah... the fact that when you have tonnes of time on your hands, it seems everyone else is crazy busy and when you're busy, you just can't find NO time at all. and all those rediculously sappy and pathetic 'i love you' songs on channel 48-weather channel of which i am just too lazy to get up and change. not to mention the seemingly endless images of couples 'in love'; on the TV, on the bus, in the fucking restaurant, at work, in movie clips, on magazine covers, walking down the street hand in hand right outside my living room window, that goddamned fly that's been buzzin' around my apartment for the last month or so and the simple fact that i've had to light my cigarette 3 fucking times just to smoke it! will someone just... shoot me now!!!... bring me
back later, though, k? alright... all done with
the vent, i think, for now.

on a lighter note... see this girl here, i love the the bejeezuzzes outta her. i wish i could of seen my ashton kick butt last night at sargeant park (they were 4th out of 5, but they did play good is what i hear). i was working, unfortunately. she's jus' 'bout the coolest kid on the planet. prolly my bestest friend in this life. blessed, am i. ask anyone who knows her or who's met her, she's the best! she gets along with everyone and anyone, even you (no matter your age; 3 months, 3 years or even 53). she has no qualms when it comes to chillin' with a 7 year old girl who wants to play with her polly pockets (not that that's ashton's favourite past time, believe me!) nor does she have qualms when it comes to hangin' with me and some friends of mine. she's real, she's honest and she's straight forward with her perceptions of you, good and bad. personally, i think that's a character trait deserving of some praise... we all too easily alter how we behave or what we speak simply because we worry or are afraid of hurting someones feelings but, hey! if it is, it is! simple as that! just one of the things i love 'bout
you ash! xox

and then there's this guy, my ONE. miss the fuck outta him. seems that sometimes i miss him more than i actually spend time with him. and when i am spending time with him it's usually with others... it's all good though. if we're alone we're usually bored, trying to figure on what to do or, um hmmm, well, won't go there. but the problem is, i guess, when you fall in love with someone you don't make a conscious decision based on who or what that person is, it's all about the heart. maybe that's why falling in love is such a beautiful thing. but when you decide to give your love to someone it's well, obviously... all about conscious decisions. i won't go any further with that though, because what he and i think and feel about all that stuff is for he and i alone, and frankly, i think it's still being 'worked out' to put it nicely. the outcome though, when and if it comes to being, i will most certainly announce loud and clear!

i love ya all
all the ways you are
and always